15 Hilarious Jobs You Could Have Done in Ancient Greece
Greasing the athletes paid more than an SMM
I’m sure you have a very simplistic understanding of the job market in Ancient Greece.
And that’s such a shame because you’re losing a great reason to laugh.
During history classes in school, we were always used to studying very little about society in Ancient Greece, it was always about the endless wars between Spartans and Athenians. Between Spartans and Persians. Between Spartans and Spartans.
Damn Spartans, they ruined Greece.
Leaving pop quotes aside, in books what we are used to seeing is a breakdown of Greek society (but not only) that does not consider the infinite variety of activities and jobs that were available at the time.
This amazing society did not base its existence on just writing tragedies, philosophy, and kicking Spartans into ditches. There’s so much more, believe me.
If you think it was possible only to be a servant, a farmer, an artisan or a soldier, well, you could be more wrong.
Or, if you’ve always thought it was only the rich who enjoyed life lying on their klinai (some sort of deckchairs) drinking and eating all day long, you never tried to work as an ὁνοστυππαξ.
If you have had the chance to attend a Liceo Classico (classical high school) like me and translated pieces in ancient Greek, you know very well how the Greek dictionary often hides hilarious and odd lexical treasures.
If, on the other hand, you’ve never had the chance to flip through a Greek dictionary, no problem, I’m here to save you the trouble.
Job vacancies galore
As we said, the Greek people had a remarkable range of field specializations.
For example, who would have thought there was such a thing as an ὀξοπὠλης, a vinegar seller? I would not be so surprised, given what we discovered earlier.
Let’s start with the merchants class. It was extremely varied at the time.
συρμαιοπώλης (surmaiopolès): seller of purgative materials
I’m off to a great start by introducing the character who probably hit the streets questioning the bowel regularity of passers-by, each time proposing the perfect solution to every impediment in evacuation.
A job that must have been full of satisfaction. In its way.
στροβιλᾶς (strobilàs): pine cones merchant
I did not understand why selling pine cones could be profitable at the time. How it could be profitable at any point in human history, to be precise. Then, while doing the grocery shopping, I noticed how pricey the pine cones could be.
I connected it all. Selling pine cones must have been like selling small treasure chests. Plus, never underestimate the potential that a pine cone might have.
It could be helpful to throw it at unwanted guests or annoying neighbours.
ὁνοστυππαξ (onostuppax): donkey ropes merchant
How there could be the need to customise ropes to make them specifically for donkeys? Does their stubbornness need strong ropes?
I have not found a sense of it.
κτενοπώλης (ktenopòles): seller of combs
Wooden combs, gold combs, wide-toothed combs, narrow-toothed combs, ivory combs, decorated combs. Combs for all tastes and for a moment, I think this is a job that in its peculiarity, makes sense.
ἐντεροπώλης (enteropòles): tripe seller
Nothing that is not seen here in Italy. Tripe is a piece of meat still consumed here, especially in Tuscany, where you can find lampredotto, made from the stomach of the cow.
Excuse me enteropolès, but the Tuscans and their Panino co i’ lampredotto do it better.
οβελιαφόρος (obeliafòros): bread cooked on a spit seller
Wait a minute, what if the tripe sellers and the spit-cooked bread sellers made the ancient Panino co i’ Lampredotto? That would be another reason to say that the Greeks knew more than the devil.
Hold on, weren’t the chickens cooked on the spit?
Let us now turn to other jobs:
ἱεροσαλπιγκτής (ierosalpinktès): trumpet player in the sacrifice ceremony
Playing the trumpet in sacrifices should be rather gloomy work, always in contact with lambs, chickens. Virgins, babies and so on.
Could you imagine the poor musician working as a ἱεροσαλπιγκτής? “Mom said that doing the conservatory would lead to nothing. I wanted to play in a jazz band, I didn’t study trumpet for that…”
θυννοσκόπος (tunnoskòpos): tuna fish lookout
As for this tuna lookout, I imagine their days like this:
Day 1: I spotted two tuna, they are Ademia and Cadmus. Nice guys, they were passing by for a walk. They have been married for 4 years.
Day 2: Today I spotted 6 tuna. Interesting day. It was a travelling party. We took a selfie together.
Day 35: Today I saw Ademia in the company of a rather fat and shiny yellowfin tuna. No sign of Cadmus. I think there’s something fishy going on.
Day 56: Johnny said Betsy ran off with Calisto, the fat yellowfin tuna. Tuna that were seen in total: 12.
Day 236: Today I spotted 3 tuna, oh I love my job…
ἀρχισυβώτης (archisubòtes): swineherd
Who tends pigs. Interesting to find that the work of the swineherd is so old. I wouldn’t be surprised to find the conversation above in such a context as well, pigs are very cute and friendly creatures.
ἀλειφοβιος (aleifobios): who lives by anointing the fighters, poor
Greasing the athletes before the hand-to-hand fight makes them more slippery and so difficult to tighten them in the holds. Apparently, at the time this practice was so common that it became a real job.
Although I believe that anointing an athlete’s body (thus probably lean and muscular) might be pleasant for some and disgusting for others. Yet, what makes me wonder is the second meaning of the word: poor.
Perhaps they want to tell us that it wasn’t such a pleasant job.
γναφαλλολόγος (gnafallològos): collector of woollen flakes
This work consisted of collecting the wool flakes that fell away from the combing of the wool. That is to preserve the spurious parts for further padding.
A tedious and unrewarding job, especially if allergic to dust and mites.
πόρνος (pòrnos): prostitute
Worried that so far the “hot” part of ancient Greece had not come out? Well yes, dictionaries have recorded the first words that can trace the sex worker of the time. A word that is the mother of all the lexicon we still use today in the field of pornography.
πορνοτελώνης (pornotelònes): contractor of taxes on brothels
Next to the πόρνοι, could not miss the speculators of the industry. Dictionaries also record this profession, which is very profitable. On the edge of legal even at the time.
αὐλοτρὐπτης (aulotruptes): flute driller
“Hey, you, what do you do for a living in this great Greek society?”
“Well, I take flutes and I drill them. Yes, you got it right, I drill the flutes. One by one, the holes have to be drilled right to allow the flute to sound harmonic…”
“Oh man, yeah, cool. I suppose.”
τυρὀμαντις (tiromantis): fortune-teller through cheese
As a lover of cheese and esotericism, I wanted to end this bizarre profession roundup with my favourite one. With this job, I am sure I found my perfect work match in Ancient Greece.
Guessing the fates of people and outcomes of wars one piece of Parmesan cheese at a time is a great way to make a living, don’t you think?
If you liked reading about Greek tunas love stories and gloomy trumpet players, you may also like:
